Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Last Time I Cried

Let me just start off by saying, I never cry. Whether I'm extremely happy or terribly sad, I've never been a crier. I've always wondered if there was something wrong with my tear ducts, and have even felt insensitive at times when everyone around me is crying and I'm not. Lately however, there's been no question that they work. I think the last time I cried was about a week ago. I had been really depressed all day, I felt fat, and ugly and unproductive and by the time Villi came home anything could have set me off! I don't even remember what it was about but we got in a silly little argument and I lost it! I hate it, because when I'm crying I can't communicate which makes me more frustrated and cry harder. Then I cry because I feel like I have no reason to and that I should just be grateful for everything. Lets just say it's a bit of a mess.... So after crying for a while, Villi realized he wasn't getting anywhere and decided to call my mom. (Even though I told him not to) As I've said before, I think he knows me better than I do. I couldn't really talk but I just listened to her talk about her day or something and after a while I somehow calmed down. When we hung up, Villi came back into the room and just held me. The dogs came in shortly after and are always so sweet to me when they know I'm upset. Anyway, Zoe came to sit in my lap and just looked up to me with THE cutest look ever. It seriously said, 'it's okay mommy, I love you' and immediately the water works began again! But this time I wasn't sad. Villi asked why I was crying and I just said, 'she's so cute!'. I realized how silly it sounded and pretty soon we were both laughing about it. Pregnancy truly is a roller coaster of emotion but I'm still loving every minute of it. I feel like I've been able to discover several sides of myself I never knew I had.

Precious little Zoe!

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